Psychology articles dating and relationships
I’m Audrey Hamilton and this is “Speaking of Psychology.” Psychologist Ty Tashiro is an author and researcher who studies the psychology of relationships – why some relationships last and others don’t.His work has been published in top-tier academic journals, including the American Psychological Association’s flagship journal, . Audrey Hamilton : We’re often told to follow our hearts when we’re looking for love.So if there is a room of 100 eligible bachelors that would mean that 80 of those men would be disqualified at that point.Now, if this person wanted someone, let’s say, with a college education, you’d lose about two-thirds of the remaining people so now you’re down really to just about four people after two wishes. Ty Tashiro : It happens in real life where, online dating’s a great example, where people will set certain criteria with the mentality that it’s a preference, but actually you’re just completely ruling someone out if you say, “I don’t want someone of this religious affiliation or this type” or whatever else it might be.
Audrey Hamilton : Can you give us an example of what you’re talking about? Ty Tashiro : Well, it could be personality characteristics, like extraversion or agreeableness.
When we fall in that passionate love, we get the butterflies in the stomach, your head is spinning, it’s really hard to be rational and measured about things and have good foresight.
I think actually in between relationships is a great time – and there you have these great windows of clarity where you can reflect upon what’s worked or what hasn't worked in previous relationships.
Audrey Hamilton : This leads into what you’re talking about the three wishes within which you’re choosing someone to be with. You know, is there not one perfect person for everyone, that fairy tale romance? You never know what the evidence is against it, I guess.
But I think there’s probably more than one person for people, but we also – a lot of the research shows that people want a lot of things, a lot of ideal traits or characteristics in a partner.
He is also author of the book “The Science of Happily Ever After.” Welcome, Dr. Is that really the best advice or is there a better way to go about it? I don’t think there’s anything wrong with following your heart. I think we can overthink it if we’re not careful so we don’t want to, we don’t want to kill the romance or kill the heart part of it with the head.