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My addiction began as something small, but step by step over 10 years, it has transformed into something which is at times uncontrollable.
The first time i used a credit card on a porn site was after several years of being addicted to porn.
Then its looking at free porn sites, then its looking at pay porn sites, and so on.
My advice to those who are in the early steps of this sin is to never give into the temptation to “go to the next level.” If you admire pretty girls, thats bad, but not as bad as searching for porn on the web.
Don’t let it be the case too often that he comes homes to find you wearing some lame tracksuit bottoms and a T-shirt – or worse your pajamas. Perhaps having a second wife might satisfy a brother’s need for variety. Despair not of the Mercy of Allah: for Allah forgives all sins”  ———— One sin leads to another, and this addiction makes you sin in other ways. I never, ever used to lie before, but after this addiction caught hold, lying became habitual as i concocted story after story to cover my tracks: why was i on the computer for so long last night? And subhanallah, no one is as resourceful as one whose mind has been overcome by the need to satisfy his lusts.
Sneaking away to be alone with the computer, altering the computer’s history so that no one could find which sites i had visited or which files i had downloaded.
In some ways, my own story over the past 10 years mirrors that.
It was like i’d crossed a threshold, stepped over an important line.
And unfortunately, having crossed that line, i haven’t looked back and have used the card numerous times since. You promise yourself for a long time that you won’t cross a certain line, but then you do, and it becomes easy to repeat that sin again.
Knowing that i am a practicing Muslim, knowing that there is a day in which i will have to stand in front of Allah and take the rap for these sins, and not having a single plausible excuse come to my mind which i can bring on that day is a horrible feeling. And also the guilt that comes from leading a double-life and betraying one’s spouse. I’ve seen my early zeal to learn and practise, and potential to be a productive member of this ummah fade over the years as i spent my time – hours and hours in front of the computer getting up to no good.
It feels sickening trying to make tawba for this sin, because while asking Allah to forgive me, i felt within myself (and from knowledge of past relapses) that I haven’t really given it up and would fall into it again. Some say its due to a lack of imaan, and I agree that it is, but its more complex then that. Sometimes the boost in imaan from these things keeps you off the sin for a month, other times, only a few days.